Tips For Talking To Your Children About Divorce

When a couple has children, they add a whole new layer of complication to the already messy and confusing divorce process.  It is imperative that even if you cannot work together on any other aspect of your relationship, you remain united when dealing with all matters concerning your children.

As stressful as divorce is for the two people in a marriage, the kids feel all of it and will constantly be searching for answers about why something that causes such a disturbance in their lives is necessary.  It is you and your spouse’s jobs as parents; to work together to lessen the negative impact your choices will have on your children.  These tips will help you talk to your children about divorce and ensure that they know the decision has nothing to do with them.

One of the hardest parts of having a child involved in a divorce is telling them about it.  You and your spouse cared about your children enough to bring them into the world and the best thing you can do for them is put aside your differences long enough to tell them you are getting divorced together.  Hearing the news from both parents will help them feel less like their family is being ripped apart and will also give them an impression that no one is abandoning them, that both of you made the decision to divorce together.  They will be able to more easily understand that you are both still their parents even though you will not be living together any more.  It is also a good idea to sit down as a couple and talk about how you are going to present the news and what information you want to give the children about living situations and other details that will directly affect them.

Remember, you are the grownups and avoid the blame game around your children.  Be careful when you are talking to your children about the divorce not to blame each other for what has happened.  In some cases there is a catalyst such as cheating that is the final straw, but a single incident or person is rarely solely responsible for the dissolving of a marriage.  Try to keep you speech civil around your children and save your anger for another place and time.  No child should ever be made to feel like they need to choose one parent over another.

Once you have told your children about the divorce it is hard to predict how they will react.  There is no right or wrong way to deal with this type of information.  After you tell your children about the divorce and have assured them that their parents still love them you need to make sure you validate your words with actions.  Try to keep their routines as close to normal as possible and make sure you do not get so wrapped up in the divorce that you sacrifice quality time with them.  You should also inform other adults your children interact with like teachers, babysitters and family friends about the divorce so they can be sensitive and ready for questions your child may ask them.

Uncontested divorce resources are found here at